The hardest Monday

Monday, March 21st 2011

What a day! It was your first day at the babysitters. I did much better than I thought. I cried when we left Paula's house on our way to work. I pulled it together, but when I went to get my bags out of the back of the car, I cried again because I saw your carseat & it was empty. Daddy was so supportive & kept telling me how much fun you were having & that you'd be laughing at me for crying.

Speaking of work, it was my first day at West Virginia Wesleyan. I thought about you all day. My day was full of meetings, getting shown around the office, learning new things & paperwork. I LOVE working with Daddy. Though our offices are at the opposite ends of the hall, I just like knowing he's there if I need him. We got a call from Paula by 10-10:30 because she couldn't get you to eat. "What's the trick to feeding your daughter!?!?" Basically patience. I knew you wanted Mommy & not the bottle. This made me sad. But the picture I have of you on my desk helped me through. I couldn't WAIT for 4:30 so we could come pick you up!

I was so excited to see you when we got to Paula's. You were a little cranky for her but it's to be expected. You both need to get used to each other & you new to get adjusted to your new schedule. I knew it'd be ok. When we got home.. the power was out! Daddy was NOT happy. We were planning to have stroganoff for dinner. "That means we can't cook!?!?!" Your Daddy is so silly. I started to feed you & we decided to go look at a house I read about in the newspaper. "Just listening to the pitter patter of the Blackberry ball" Did I mentioned your Daddy is silly. We headed out once you were finished. We ended up finding "Applegate Estates" not too far outside of Buckhannon that's a new development. We would LOVE to live out there some day!! We're starting to save money now so we can get us a nice house sometime hopefully in the next few years!

Afterward, we went to Sheetz to pick up some dinner because we figured we weren't going to have power when we got home. We did though when we pulled up to the house shortly before 7. We ate immediately & then my phone rang around 7:20. It was your Grammy. As soon as she started talking, I could hear it in her voice. I knew something was wrong. But she went through the motions of asking how you were with the babysitter & how my first day of work was. I was really brief with the answers because I knew what she was about to say.... My Grammy (your great-grandma) passed away at 7:00, just 20 minutes before.

I immediately started to sob. Daddy was holding you & I looked at him & just mouthed the words. The two of you hugged me while I stayed on the phone. I was so scared that she had been alone when it happened (she was at hospice - Liza's Place - at this time). She wasn't though, Uncle Bob had been with her. My dad, Grandpa, had just left at 5:30. I hung up because we were both just crying. The 3 of us sat on the couch together just hugging & being together while Mommy cried.

I sat there with my thoughts for quite awhile. I realized not only would my Grammy not want me to be sad, I shouldn't be sad. She's where she wanted to be, in Heaven, with Jesus. She wasn't suffering or in pain anymore. She was finally free of her cancer. Also, she got to meet YOU, just 5 weeks before. That meant more to me than anything, she met you.

I wish you had gotten to know each other when Grammy wasn't sick. She always seemed so much younger than she ever was. She could have taught you so many things & you would have had so much fun together! What's important now, just like your Daddy said, she's watching over you.. over all of us. She gets to see you every single day. I bet she's so happy to watch you grow & see how happy the three of us are. I can't wait to share so many stories with you about her one day.